A warning for all men - protect yourself and get a prenup

This is a cautionary tale for all men who are thinking about or committed to marrying their significant other.  Over the last three years I've been going through a divorce battle.  In the beginning I thought we'd part reasonably and I would cover expenses and help her get her life in order.  That wasn't enough for her.  When I refused to cover things she wanted me to pay for over the thousands I was putting into getting her setup things got ugly.  Soon I was served by her new attorney and of course I had to get my own attorney.  Over the course of 3 years we've had many court battles.  Many of them where unnecessary and many of them were out of pure greed.  At one point she had to audacity to submit to the court that I had under paid her by 10s of thousands of dollars.  When she lost that battle the first time she further delayed the process by trying for it with the same numbers again.  This was mainly because she wanted to squeeze all the money she could out of me to live the good life for as long as possible.  Keep in mind that California is a no fault state so nothing related to adultery or the usual reasons for divorce or separation are valid for calculating or asking for support.  So the argument that someone deserves to pay because they did something shouldn't even come into it.  No one deserves to pay to keep someone in the lap of luxury.

In the end I paid approximately $175,000.00 in support to her.  This may surprise you but she didn't do anything with that windfall to set herself up for the future.  I can't confirm this but according to her she's flat broke.  Three years later she was still saying she needed more time but later she would just keep saying she needed more time and this would go on forever.  Thankfully, I was able to prove that I didn't under pay her and to the contrary I over paid her by several thousands of dollars so in essence I won (heh).  Otherwise this amount would have been  much higher.  To 'win' my case it cost me approximately $33,000.00 in attorney's fees.  I also had to pay thousands of dollars on vocational studies that gathered information from doctors and various other authorities just to prove that she could work and could earn money because she went into court claiming she couldn't work.  Now her family is going to have to take care of her and she will probably play the victim as much as possible but thankfully the judge, after 3 years put a stop to the madness.  I should point out that this is with no children, 100% support payments to 'keep her in the life style she was accustomed to'.  No, that is not a joke, the court (at least in California) considers that.  Can you imagine getting your hands on $175,000.00 over 3 years?  What could you do with that? I would assume set yourself up pretty damn well.  For what I've paid over the last 3 years I could have completely paid for a decent house free and clear.


Now that the gravy train is over for her and the divorce is final my hope is that all men read this and consider prenuptial agreements.  I understand you have reservations,  I understand that she may get upset that you dare ask for such a thing but please, please protect yourself.  Give her your heart, love her with all of your being but protect yourself.  If she really loves you she won't have a problem with this.  Make this part of your financial discussions before you get married. No matter how much she loves you now she'll be saying "fuck you pay me" later when its all over and pay you will. In this day and age of equality we need to correct this old fashioned notion of support for the woman when the relationship is over and there's no children.  In my opinion changes need to be made.  Some states still have no end to support which means you can be paying a life time of support payments.  If you are both working and both earning a living then you should both equally walk away from the relationship with what you have.  I understand there are many cases where support is needed to help but many cases go way beyond assistance.  I recall a phase later in the divorce process which read "The reasonable person loses out in the divorce" It's the truth.  I was reasonable, I did everything I could to try and make sure she was cared for without going broke but it was never enough.  I'm talking personal trainers, electronics, your TV broke? No problem here is a new one.  Need personal trainer to get healthy and back on your feet? no problem.  Laptop broke? no problem here's a laptop so you aren't cut off and can find a job.

I asked for one thing. Signed sports memorabilia.  After years of hanging it over my head to keep doing things in the end all she had to do is tell the judge she doesn't have it.  She lied right to the judges face.  Frankly I'm just glad its over.

I'm not looking for sympathy, this is a lesson to be learned and my hope is that some of you men out there won't learn it the hard way.  I will never forget this lesson.

Women, in the age where you are pushing for equality in the world you can equally leave the relationship when the relationship is done.  If there are no kids involved you should both just walk away only dividing the assets you have during the marriage.  I am all for equality but you can't have it both ways.  In my experience women seem to hide behind the courts and the divorce laws because its a windfall for them.  Sure, the argument could be made that men do this as well but in my opinion and based off historical research there are many more women who continue to rake men over the coals than men.

Men,  protect yourself financially for the future, be careful.

CCIE Study and the value of taking breaks

I often run across many tweets and discussions around different technologies and the lack of enthusiasm to study said topic.  Many people who are studying for their CCIE spend months or even years preparing and sacrificing everything and anything including their sanity to pass the CCIE exam.

I've seen a lot of blog posts and recommendations on how and what to study but never on anything related on what happens when you study TOO much.  Yes there is such a thing and it only leads to one thing, burn out.  When studying anything including (and especially) technical topics you will reach a point where nothing is sticking and you may feel like you are even forgetting what you have learned so far.  You may get nervous and continue to cram it in there but don't.  A lab you ran perfectly one day is completely flawed the next and you spend double the time working on it and frustration to fix what you thought you knew easily.

If you burn out you will end up hating what you are doing and much like a diet you are likely to fail at your attempt to not only pass a very difficult exam but also truly learn from the experience to be a great CCIE.  I love finding crazy weird answers to problems and working on labbing up crazy solutions that are fun for me even though they will never be used in production.  One such example is what I learned from a bootcamp I had with Narbik a few years back that showed me how I could do some real crazy 007 stuff that because of how my mind works sticks with me forever.  I love things like that which keep me engaged and get me off the current topic and course for a moment and then jump back in.

I also know myself and because I have ADD I need to keep changing things around to stay focused and interested along with a distraction like music.  For that I choose to work with a topic until bored and then switch topics or switch topics in a way that might relate to the topic I want to stay on course on.  For example studying OSPF for weeks on end and then working with a bgp lab that interacts with OSPF through redistribution.

Some people aren't into the 007 stuff and for that I would recommend breaks in the study time and working on something completely different and unrelated like a tan.  Make sure that the interval of 'rest' is long enough or it won't really do anything for you.  Make sure you schedule your Written or Lab far enough away to account for periods of rest.

The bottom line is you need to evaluate yourself and what kind of learner you are and what your mind can take.  Cramming information down your throat will only cost you later in failed attempts lack of focus and eventually lack of interest in the whole process.  You also need to evaluate what is realistic and what is too much too soon.  I am the last person to burst anyones dreams but we are all different with different capabilities.  Some people are linear learners going from A-Z (CCNA - CCNP - CCIE) while others who have a foundation of experience and skill can skip and take the CCIE head on just be honest with yourself. You also may be an inductive thinker and are unable to learn via the usual mainstream methods.   No one is going to know any different when it comes to your studying methods.  All the public will know is your success or failure at the attempted goal.

Lastly, mind your troubleshooting methodologies because without any kind of method you're just a spanning-tree loop and that will only prevent you from succeeding in labbing up your solutions.

Striking a pose

Thought it was hilarious that at the exact moment I was taking this picture, one of the birds looked right at me and tilted it's head. It's funny how you can capture just the right moment, because I sure as hell would be freaked out if he looked because he wondered what the hell I was doing.

Aria Resort and Casino visit

I took a trip to Las Vegas this last week and was finally able to visit Aria Resort and Casino after watching City Center being built for the better part of the last two years. I must say I think they opened prematurely at the inconvinience of the patrons. There was still lots of construction going on so it seemed some entrances into the casino/hotel were not open. From the same side of the street you have to walk up to a bridge two flights up. Once on the bridge you walk into their mall area were you are presented with a gorgeous floating restaraunt show in the picture here:





The casino area is to the right of this restaraunt but you can't go right, instead you have to walk all the way around to the left and back right. After you've made your way through the mall you go through the hotel lobby and then finally into the casino floor.


Once on the floor the first thing I noticed was it was incredibly dark. The picture here may not look like it was all that dark but it was to the point I actually walked by the craps tables twice until I asked where they were.

The service and friendlyness from the casino staff was awesome though and good service and friendly staff makes up for a lot.

Gotta open up those entrances and make it more convenient to get to the casino folks.

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Redeeming

The awesome thing about a train ride down the Southern California Coast is the view




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Location:Oceanside,United States

Sunrise in the desert

You can find the best and most beautiful things if you take the time to look and enjoy. 

Cali Creatures

I've lived in So Cal for years now and first time I've seen lizard or anything like that. Now all of a sudden they're all over the place! I guess encounters with snakes are next LOL. Last time I saw one of those I was on a strawberry farm in upstate NY and I was like 6.