A warning for all men - protect yourself and get a prenup

This is a cautionary tale for all men who are thinking about or committed to marrying their significant other.  Over the last three years I've been going through a divorce battle.  In the beginning I thought we'd part reasonably and I would cover expenses and help her get her life in order.  That wasn't enough for her.  When I refused to cover things she wanted me to pay for over the thousands I was putting into getting her setup things got ugly.  Soon I was served by her new attorney and of course I had to get my own attorney.  Over the course of 3 years we've had many court battles.  Many of them where unnecessary and many of them were out of pure greed.  At one point she had to audacity to submit to the court that I had under paid her by 10s of thousands of dollars.  When she lost that battle the first time she further delayed the process by trying for it with the same numbers again.  This was mainly because she wanted to squeeze all the money she could out of me to live the good life for as long as possible.  Keep in mind that California is a no fault state so nothing related to adultery or the usual reasons for divorce or separation are valid for calculating or asking for support.  So the argument that someone deserves to pay because they did something shouldn't even come into it.  No one deserves to pay to keep someone in the lap of luxury.

In the end I paid approximately $175,000.00 in support to her.  This may surprise you but she didn't do anything with that windfall to set herself up for the future.  I can't confirm this but according to her she's flat broke.  Three years later she was still saying she needed more time but later she would just keep saying she needed more time and this would go on forever.  Thankfully, I was able to prove that I didn't under pay her and to the contrary I over paid her by several thousands of dollars so in essence I won (heh).  Otherwise this amount would have been  much higher.  To 'win' my case it cost me approximately $33,000.00 in attorney's fees.  I also had to pay thousands of dollars on vocational studies that gathered information from doctors and various other authorities just to prove that she could work and could earn money because she went into court claiming she couldn't work.  Now her family is going to have to take care of her and she will probably play the victim as much as possible but thankfully the judge, after 3 years put a stop to the madness.  I should point out that this is with no children, 100% support payments to 'keep her in the life style she was accustomed to'.  No, that is not a joke, the court (at least in California) considers that.  Can you imagine getting your hands on $175,000.00 over 3 years?  What could you do with that? I would assume set yourself up pretty damn well.  For what I've paid over the last 3 years I could have completely paid for a decent house free and clear.


Now that the gravy train is over for her and the divorce is final my hope is that all men read this and consider prenuptial agreements.  I understand you have reservations,  I understand that she may get upset that you dare ask for such a thing but please, please protect yourself.  Give her your heart, love her with all of your being but protect yourself.  If she really loves you she won't have a problem with this.  Make this part of your financial discussions before you get married. No matter how much she loves you now she'll be saying "fuck you pay me" later when its all over and pay you will. In this day and age of equality we need to correct this old fashioned notion of support for the woman when the relationship is over and there's no children.  In my opinion changes need to be made.  Some states still have no end to support which means you can be paying a life time of support payments.  If you are both working and both earning a living then you should both equally walk away from the relationship with what you have.  I understand there are many cases where support is needed to help but many cases go way beyond assistance.  I recall a phase later in the divorce process which read "The reasonable person loses out in the divorce" It's the truth.  I was reasonable, I did everything I could to try and make sure she was cared for without going broke but it was never enough.  I'm talking personal trainers, electronics, your TV broke? No problem here is a new one.  Need personal trainer to get healthy and back on your feet? no problem.  Laptop broke? no problem here's a laptop so you aren't cut off and can find a job.

I asked for one thing. Signed sports memorabilia.  After years of hanging it over my head to keep doing things in the end all she had to do is tell the judge she doesn't have it.  She lied right to the judges face.  Frankly I'm just glad its over.

I'm not looking for sympathy, this is a lesson to be learned and my hope is that some of you men out there won't learn it the hard way.  I will never forget this lesson.

Women, in the age where you are pushing for equality in the world you can equally leave the relationship when the relationship is done.  If there are no kids involved you should both just walk away only dividing the assets you have during the marriage.  I am all for equality but you can't have it both ways.  In my experience women seem to hide behind the courts and the divorce laws because its a windfall for them.  Sure, the argument could be made that men do this as well but in my opinion and based off historical research there are many more women who continue to rake men over the coals than men.

Men,  protect yourself financially for the future, be careful.